A Short Tweet Regarding Tweety-Bird Legs

September 14, 2016 at 3:42 pm 4 comments

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In case anybody out there can relate, I’ve gained five pounds since we moved to Texas last year—two-and-a-half pounds in my right thigh and two-and-a-half pounds in my left thigh.

This does not thrill me. But I can guarantee you, if I lost every ounce of my newly acquired bulk over the next few months it would not noticeably reduce the size of the saddle bags I’ve taken on since we  relocated to the southwest. I know this from long-term experience.

What is it with this exclusively female phenomenon? My husband—whose belly weight sloughs off like melting snow whenever he drops a few pounds—has a term for my predicament. He compares it to the FILO principle of first-in, last-out.

On-line definitions of FILO as a loan-funding arrangement are every bit as confusing as my adipose problem. But the acronym says it all without complicating matters further, so I won’t ramble off into complaints about how my body tends to compound the interest on these flab deposits.

Still, I have to ask, what biological logic am I missing here? For the past ten years, I’ve worked hard to build muscle and keep my metabolism firing. Yet some pig-headed, estrogen-driven internal mechanism pushes onward, thwarting any effort to direct stored calorie reserves to, say, a bony sternum or angular shoulder blades.

I guess it all boils down to that Mars/Venus thing, reduced to the cellular level. My husband also builds muscle mass more easily than I, and gets by with a lighter workout schedule. Because of the hormone differences and that lean tissue advantage, we women are genetically coded for FILO and the guys benefit from LIFO—last in, first out.

Modern medicine has come up with an equalizing remedy, however. They call it LIPO. But since the mere thought of being sliced into, selectively melted, and vacuumed out leaves me feeling all gooey inside, I’ll probably just make peace with toddling about on the lower limbs of a cartoon character. At least I haven’t turned yellow and sprouted feathers.

 

 

 

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Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

You’re Only as Old as…That Preschooler Says You Are? A Bit of Jocular Journalism

4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Keith  |  September 14, 2016 at 5:28 pm

    I must be on the FINO system; first in and never out.

    Reply
    • 2. kirkhams  |  September 15, 2016 at 2:19 am

      Good one. And you are certainly not alone, since the “last out” stage is really hard to get to.

      Reply
  • 3. Craig  |  September 14, 2016 at 6:48 pm

    Glad to see you are back writing again.

    Reply
  • 4. Donna  |  September 16, 2016 at 3:45 pm

    SueAnn, I am sure you are just as skinny as ever. You do need ‘some’ fat reserves. I just got my drivers license renewed and since the last one four years ago, I have had to subtract 1″ from my height and add 15 pounds to my weight. 😦

    Reply

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Recipe. According to Encarta, "a list of ingredients and instructions for making something." The thesaurus offers the alternate terms, "formula, guidelines, directions, steps, technique."

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