Archive for September 21, 2010

Blissed and Blessed: Advice for the Newly Married

    I am either one of your best sources of marital advice or one of your worst. My emotionally chaotic early personal history suggests the latter, including as it did several mismatched spouses and little evidence that I was capable of learning from my own mistakes. But when God finally got exasperated enough to take me by the shoulders and march me in the direction of an eminently suitable former classmate at our 20 year high school reunion, it was the first wave in a sea change that swept through every element of my existence. It was also the first phase in a long-term relationship that last May marked its 23rd wedding anniversary. 

Having finally discovered what a blessing married life can be, you’d think I’d be a fount of profundity on the subject. Yet at my nephew’s wedding reception a few days ago, I told his bride how moved I was by the loving looks the couple shared during the ceremony, and she replied, “I just hope we’re still looking at each other like that years from now.” My response? “From what I’ve seen today, I’m imagine you will be.” 

How insipid! I might as well have said, “Well, based on appearances, your chances are pretty good.” What I should have had the presence of mind to say was, “That’s not up to chance, it’s up to you.” 

Settled into my easy chair later that evening, I indulged further in the luxury of hindsight and a few gems tumbled out of the treasure chest of experience.  I’ve gathered them here in an imaginary “wish I’d said” monologue, because it truly is all about making choices and setting priorities. “Loving” is itself a choice, not a fluttery feeling in your stomach. It’s a decision you make – and then remake every day of your lives together.  (more…)


September 21, 2010 at 10:45 pm Leave a comment

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